A typical story about a boy and a girl.
Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was terribly beautiful and
wore super cute clothes and had a bodacious bod and everyone wanted a piece o’
dat. Therefore, this girl shall be referred to as Super Perfect Girl, or SPG.
So, basically, SPG’s milkshake brought all the boys to the yard and she was
never without a trail of slobbering baboons to follow her every move, and all
other girls hated her for it.
One day, as SPG was walking to school in her designer shoes, she
tripped over a leaf or whatever and face-planted on the sidewalk, much to the
horror/amusement of her entourage. The trip in itself was not of importance,
for she simply picked herself up and trotted gracefully the rest of the way to
school as if the fall had never happened. The real action was yet to occur, and
that fall would turn out to be the most monumental, life-altering moment of her
In the mean time, there was a boy. He was charming, but not
incredibly handsome. When given a chance to show off his wit to girls, he would
dazzle them, mesmerizing them with his prose… at least until they were
otherwise distracted. He was not a football captain. Or a ladies man. Or Prom
King. Or anything of importance, really. Thus, he was Mostly Lame Dude, MLD.
MLD also walked to school every morning. He didn’t take the same
route as SPG; he walked on a street parallel to the street she walked on. Day
after day, they walked practically alongside each other, completely unaware,
due to the curtain of trees that separated them. Of course, he knew who she was
and of course, she had no idea he even
existed… until that one fateful day when their lives would be forever
intertwined. See, MLD, too, had fallen that morning– tripped over a
caterpillar or whatever– and unbeknownst to the two teens, they had fallen at the exact same time, on the exact same longitudinal line,
at the exact moment that
the sun eclipsed a magical star or some other magical entity. From that moment
on, life would never be the same.
The two frolicked merrily with their respective cliques all
morning, and it wasn’t until lunch time that they realized anything was out of
the ordinary. SPG felt a strange pulling sensation on her bodacious bod, as if
a magnet were tugging at her. MLD felt the tugging, too, on his average, lanky,
teen male body. Unable to control themselves, they allowed themselves to be
guided where the unusual force was leading them. After a few moments of
mindless shuffling, they noticed each other, and realized it was to each other
that they were being pulled. Still not sensing any immediate danger, they
continued on until they were face to face.
What happened next was unexpectedly horrific. At the exact same
moment, SPG and MLD lunged towards one another, and pantsed each other. As soon
as their pants hit the floor, the force lifted from them and they felt free of
the grasp of the tugging. By this time, the entire cafeteria had turned their
attention toward the unusual spectacle and gasps could be heard from all around
at the sight of the pantsless pair. SPG and MLD scrambled to pull their pants
up, completely speechless, because, seriously, what do you say to that?
Unfortunately, as soon as they had fastened their buttons, the
force took over again and in a whirl, they were again bare-bottomed. Again and
again, they tried to cover themselves, and again and again they found
themselves lacking in the pants department.
And so, SPG became a beer-bellied alcoholic.
And MLD wrote poetry about freedom and caterpillars and leaves or
And the two were destined to live a life of involuntary pantsing
until their dying days.